Good
afternoon brothers and sisters. My name
is Tim Wheeler and my wife’s name is Liz.
Our family moved into the ward last summer from the Fort Collins Stake just
a few weeks after fifth child, Brooklyn was born. I love how Jim Gaffigan puts it: “You know
what it’s like to have a fifth child? Imagine
you’re drowning. Then someone hands you
a baby.” That about sums it up for
us!
We love
our children. Our oldest is Sarah. She’s 8 years old and enjoys being with her
friends on the swim team this summer.
Whitney is 6 and has the same birthday as her dad, August 9th. Spencer is 5 and loves cars. He pays close attention to license plates
because the higher the number on the plate, the faster the car will go. Our minivan has a pretty low number, so he’s
always reminding us that our minivan is not
a very fast car. Michael turns 3 in July
and is our brain cancer survivor. He was
diagnosed at six months old with Ependymoma and has been through many
surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments. His type of cancer is very aggressive, so the
doctors are still keeping close tabs on it.
But for the last 18 months or so it has been stable and has shown no
signs of a recurrence. Although mentally
he’s a very bright kid, he has some physical challenges from his cancer and
treatments. He’s learning to use a
walker to help him get around, and he has facial paralysis which makes it hard
for him to talk. So he’s learning sign
language and as a two year old he knows literally hundreds of signs. He’ll be attending a sign language preschool
at McGraw this Fall where the teacher both signs and speaks. Lastly, Brooklyn will be turning a year old
this month, and we’re thrilled that she’s finally not waking up five times
every night! She’s very curious and
adores her older siblings.
The Savior
said, “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have
loved you, that ye also love one another.
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one
to another”. John 13:34-35
How do we
show our love one to another? Many years
ago I read the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. For those of you unfamiliar with the book,
the love languages are: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of
service, and physical touch. I’d like to
share some examples of how the Savior used these five languages to show love
for others, and share some examples in my own life.
1.
Quality Time
After the Savior’s death and resurrection, he took some time to
personally visit the Israelites who were living on the American continent. He spent a considerable amount of time
teaching them many things, and finally it was time for him to leave to attend
to other business. In 3 Nephi 17:5-7 we
read what happened next:
5. And it came to
pass that when Jesus had thus spoken, he cast his eyes round about again on the
multitude, and beheld they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as
if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them.
7 Have ye any that are sick among you?
Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or
leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any
manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you;
my bowels are filled with mercy.
Even though he was very busy during those first few weeks after
his death and resurrection, he took the time to visit and even extend his visit
with a small group of Israelites in a remote part of the world from where he
had fulfilled his ministry.
When I was growing up, during the summer my mom would take us kids
1-on-1 on what we called “mommy dates”.
She would take us to our favorite place to eat, which was usually
McDonalds or a pizza place, and spend some time with us, just the two of
us. Considering we had eight children in
our family, we didn’t get a lot of 1-on-1 time with our parents, but they made
an effort to carve out that 1-on-1 time for us.
Weekly date night has been incredibly important for my wife and me
to spend quality time together.
Sometimes we feel too busy for it and we’re just touching fingers, or we
don’t feel like we can afford to keep hiring a babysitter, but that’s really
when we need it the most. And besides,
hiring a babysitter is a lot cheaper than hiring a marriage counselor!
2.
Words of Affirmation
From the
scriptures we read:
“I have
loved you, saith the Lord” (Malachi 1:2)
“And again I say unto you, my friends, for from
henceforth I shall call you friends” (D&C 84:77)
Mark Twain
once remarked: “I can live for two months on one good compliment.”
And from
President Kimball: “I find myself hungering and thirsting for just a word of
appreciation or of honest evaluation from my superiors and my peers. I want no praise; I want no flattery; I am
seeking only to know if what I gave was acceptable.” If President Kimball needed a little of that,
how much more do we?
Recently Sarah
had a swim meet and Liz was sitting by two other moms. One of them said “hi” to another mom as she
walked by, but that mom completely ignored her.
In the ensuing conversation, Liz learned that the two moms are next door
neighbors, and while one of them tries to be friendly to the other one, the
other mom often ignores her greetings and it hurts her feelings. Something as simple as saying “hi” to
someone, whether they’re a friend, a neighbor, or even someone we don’t know,
is a great way of showing love. On the
contrary, what sort of message are we sending when we don’t?
My wife
tells me all the time, “I’m so glad I married you. You are the perfect person for me.” We make it a point to talk each other up to our
kids as well. I’ll say to them, “Let me
tell you something amazing your mom did today.”
Or Liz will say, “Your dad is really great because…”. Or we’ll say positive things about our kids
in their presence. Like at the dinner
table, “Kids, I have to tell you about a really good choice Whitney made at
school today.”
Tell
people you love them. Or even just smile
and say hi or wave at others. It’s a
great way to feel and show love for them.
3.
Gifts
In Matthew
26:26-28 we read:
26 And as they
were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the
disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body.
Christ
gave the greatest gift to us that anyone could possibly give. He gave us the gift of the atonement. He willingly gave his life for us and took
upon himself our sins, so that we can repent, be forgiven and have eternal
life. And he did it because of the
incredible amount of love he has for each
and every one of us.
There’s no
gift to show love that I could ever give that would ever compare to the
atonement, but that’s okay. It’s not the
size or price of the gift that counts.
Growing
up, my family had a tradition of ding dong ditching. We would make plates of goodies, my parents
would drive us around the neighborhood to people we know, and one of the kids
would jump out of the car, leave the plate on their doorstep, ring the
doorbell, and run!
For
Father’s Day my kids gave me home made gifts, which were an incredible sign of
love. Michael handed me a small package
that Liz had bought and the other kids had wrapped. Before I opened it I asked him if he knew
what was inside and he did the sign for candy!
He knew! Even the small gifts
given by the youth after sacrament meeting on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day go
a long way to show their love and appreciation for the moms and dads in the
ward.
Over the
years, my parents have bought little gift books to fast food restaurants like
McDonalds. Whenever they saw someone who
is homeless, or at a street corner begging for money, they used to feel awkward
about wanting to help but not certain whether they should hand money to the
stranger, especially not knowing what the money would be used for. Now they give them a gift book or two to
McDonalds so the person can buy themselves a meal. For my parents, it’s a way of showing love
even to strangers.
Sister
Bonnie Parkin once told a story about a family member who made a tie for her
neighbor, who happened to be the prophet at the time, Spencer W. Kimball. After making the tie she almost couldn’t go
through with giving it to him, thinking, “Who am I to make a tie for the
prophet? He probably has plenty of
them.” When Sister Kimball greeted her
on the doorstep she reassured her with these words, “Never suppress a generous
thought.” I love that. Never suppress a generous thought.
4.
Acts of Service
Jesus’
entire life was spent in selfless service to others. He taught the people, he fed the 5000, he
healed the sick, the lame, the blind, he brought Lazarus and others back from
the dead. In Matthew 25:35-40 he teaches
a powerful sermon about service:
35 For I was
an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a
stranger, and ye took me in:
And then
he concludes with this statement:
40 “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have
done it unto one of the least of these my
brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
My family
has been the recipient of some wonderful acts of service that have helped us
feel loved.
This last
winter on a snowy day when we were feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, somebody
shoveled our driveway for us and left heart shaped message in the snow saying
“We love you”.
Michael
went through a particularly difficult brain surgery when he was about 9 months
old. The surgery was successful at
removing the cancer, which after previous treatments and surgeries was still
growing uncontrollably in his brain. But
in the process his 6th and 7th cranial nerves were
severely damaged, so when he came out of surgery his big, beautiful smile was
gone.
Just two
days before that surgery, a friend of ours who must have been inspired, offered
to take pictures of our children. We
will forever cherish those last pictures of Michael with his beautiful
smile.
While we
were at the hospital, we had a trampoline sitting in a box we hadn’t been able
to get around to setting up for our kids.
Our home teachers came over and set it up for us in our backyard.
This
particular surgery came at General Conference time. Things were really crazy and stressful in the
intensive care unit at Children’s Hospital, but we really wanted to listen to
some of conference if at all possible.
We managed to catch maybe 2 of the talks that weekend. One of the talks was Elder Rasband’s talk
about his grandson Paxton, who was also going through some very serious medical
challenges at the time. It was just what
we needed to hear and was a huge source of comfort during a very difficult time
for us. One of the things he said in his
talk was this:
“If you
come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it
be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often
given, ‘Let me know if I can help’ is really no help at all.”
A few days
later we were contacted completely out of the blue by an LDS family who lived in
Firestone, Colorado, not too far from here.
The mom had been particularly touched by Elder Rasband’s talk and felt
prompted to help someone, but didn’t know of anyone who needed that kind of help. A few days later she stumbled onto our blog
and was surprised to find out that we lived nearby in Fort Collins. She figured out how to contact us and sent us
an email saying, “You don’t know who I am, but can I provide Easter for your
family?” Trying to plan out Easter was
about the last thing on our radar at the time.
But our family had a wonderful Easter that year because a former stranger
and now friend, listened to the promptings of the Spirit and offered to serve
our family.
One of the
lessons we’ve learned is that you’ll often get a better response when you offer
a specific act of service, such as “Can I bring a meal in to you this
week?” Sometimes the answer will be
“no”, and that’s okay. But even if
that’s the case, it sends the message of, “I really mean it when I say I want
to help you”. And the recipient may
suggest, “You know, I’m not really in need of a meal right now, but what I
could really use is someone to watch my kids for a few hours.” That opens up a dialog to ensure that real
needs are met.
5.
Physical touch
The Savior
used physical touch not only to comfort others, but also to heal.
Matthew
8:14-15
Mark
5:25-29
27 When
she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.
29 And straightway the fountain of her
blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that
plague.
A hug, a
squeeze, a pat on the shoulder, can go a long way toward showing love for another. In my family growing up it was back
rubs. My dad wasn’t always much for
words, so he wasn’t nearly as good as my mom at verbally telling us kids that
he loved us. But he sure gave the best
back rubs as one of his ways of telling us he loved us.
6.
Sign language
I’ll even
throw in a sixth love language, which is sign language. One of Michael’s love languages is sign
language. If someone talks to him in
sign language his eyes light up and he gets excited. He has really appreciated that some of his
nursery leaders have picked up a few words of sign language to help them
communicate with him.
Conclusion
There are
many around us who need our love. There
are many people in our own ward and community who carry heavy burdens, such as
health problems, are single or are single parents, carry heavy financial
burdens, or deal with depression and other afflictions. Just because someone appears okay or
confident or doesn’t appear to carry burdens or concerns, it doesn’t mean they
don’t need our love and support. It is
important to focus on those who are less active at church or who carry obvious
burdens, but all of us need love, support, and encouragement, don’t we?
As I’ve
been focusing my talk on how to love others, we must never forget that it is
equally important to love ourselves.
Sister Holland has said, “We simply cannot call ourselves Christian and
continue to judge one another—or ourselves—so harshly.”
If you
find that’s hard to do, instead of focusing on your own weaknesses and short
comings, lose yourself in service and showing love to others. As you do so, the Lord will comfort you and
reassure you that he loves you, that you are doing the things that are pleasing
in his sight.
I testify
that these things are true. In the name
of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Excellent and heartfelt talk. You and Liz are wonderful.
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